Citizen Columns
Question
In times of celebration, how do your congregations handle the sad and lonely among you?
Answer
“Bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). This is the Christian standard and people in most congregations, in my experience, do make some attempt to gently acknowledge sadness and loneliness when it is obvious. But of course we often don’t even know or notice what burdens those around us are carrying. And there are such diverse ways of handling our personal traumas. Some want the whole world to know about their troubles and expect everyone to care. Others are deeply private and expect no one to care. Some of this variety comes from differences in culture and upbringing. But at any given moment, including times of parish celebration, everyone is in a different personal place spiritually and emotionally. This is why congregations can’t be too emotionally prescriptive. They need to give people the space to grieve in their own way without being excessively “handled.” Yes, the community is an essential aspect of Christian life and we use family language to speak of our life in Christ as brothers and sisters. But the deepest sorrows, just as the most elated joys, cannot be communicated to others, and certainly not in words. This is why the church needs to be a place where we can wordlessly lift up our every condition to God and simply be in his presence, no matter what else is going on in the congregation. The icons in Orthodox churches greatly help at such moments. No matter what celebration is going on, the icons are always there as a reminder of this silent divine presence and listening. The icon of Mary, “the joy of all who sorrow”. The icon of Christ on the Cross. The icon of Christ with the words “come to me all who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest”(Matthew 11:21). As well, there is no service, even the most joyful, whose words don’t connect with people in their private personal distress, even when feeling utterly alone and sad, as we all sometimes do.
With love in Christ,
Fr John
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